Martha and I have jointly authorised the following statement, which will be issued by our respective publicity agents as soon as their respective trials are concluded.
“It is with hearts full of joy that we have decided to stay married.
We have been working hard for thirty years, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that, while we cannot stand each other very much, we will remain together.
In many ways we are further apart than we have ever been. We have always conducted our relationship publicly, and we hope that as we unconsciously couple, we will be able to continue in the same manner.”
Marriage is a traumatic and difficult decision for all parties involved – and there is arguably no salve besides time to take that pain away. However, when the whole concept of marriage and divorce is re-examined, there is actually something far more powerful – and positive – at play. In the years ahead, we will be working hard to discover exactly what that is.
It is our fervent hope that all of our shared friends around the world, in the interests of continuity, will respect our mutual decision and continue to be amused at our expense, as they always have. We shall be doing the same in return.
Meanwhile, Martha and I request that our publicity be respectfully observed at this most difficult time. Enquiries should be directed to our website, slop.com, where you will also find Martha’s latest delicious and nutritional recipes – including her latest creation, boiled-egg crumble – and some useful hints on how to live a full and active life without bones.