M has received many a get-well-soon message after her recent hip surgery, but the following, from John Hull, is my favourite:
“Hi. We were going to call but decided against it as we didn’t want to call at a bad time… like sleeping… eating… physical therapy… potty break… visiting family/friends, and most importantly having the catheter removed. Remember, drugs are God’s invention for pain, both physical and from well meaning visitors/callers. And, do not forget that no matter how much you still want to be one, you are no longer a Jewish Princess. You’re too old, sorry, mature and worn, sorry, experienced for that. You are an HQ, which is far more important, deserves far more respect, and is entitled to rule by decree… fuck it… by mandate. Your throne may have a toilet paper dispenser next to it, but it’s still your throne. Your Prince Charming may now wear size 50 jockey shorts and leave old, smelly cigar stubs in the ash tray next to his well worn, sagging chair, but his armour still shines as does the light in his eyes when he looks at you. What, you don’t know what an HQ is? OK… are you ready? An HQ is a Hebrew Queen… a magna cum laude graduate of all those years of being a Princess. Anyhow, our thoughts are with you, Sara, George and JJ. We hope this short note adds a smile to your face and brightens your day. Best Regards John & Jo Ann”
Most amusing, but I have to go now as I’ve just received an urgent call to duty from HQ.