Obama declines to run for president, is replaced by Hillary Clinton.
Sarah Palin narrowly defeats Clinton in first all-female US presidential election.
Sarkozy loses French general election but refuses to resign, causing riots in St Tropez.
Greece, Spain, Portugal leave euro, merge, and adopt new currency, the dracpescudo.
Britain applies to join United States but bid is narrowly rejected by vote in Congress.
Putin resigns; Abramovich sells Chelsea to run for Russian presidency.
Syria’s Assad, blaming Lawrence of Arabia for political chaos, declares war on Britain.
Muslim Brotherhood assumes power in Egypt, demolishes pyramids and Abu Simbel.
Oil is discovered in the Falklands; Argentina, backed by China, threatens invasion.
US economy recovers; Dow Jones average soars 3,000 points to 15,000 in one day.
Queen abdicates, Princes Charles and William agree to cede throne to Prince Harry.
King Harry marries Pippa Middleton, who becomes Queen.
Alex Salmond proposes new coalition, offers himself as prime minister. Cameron agrees.
Alex Ferguson agrees to become deputy PM provided he can stay on as Man U manager.
Occupy Britain occupies Olympic Stadium causing games to be cancelled.
St Paul’s Cathedral, bankrupt, is closed, pending conversion into Anglican theme park.
Sir Bruce Forsyth, sacked from Strictly, accepts peerage, becomes leader of Lords.
Riots, looting and arson break out in Kensington and Chelsea over new parking charges.
Government agrees to three new airports in Cotswolds, Lake District and Snowdonia.
King Harry, caught in compromising photographs in Mahiki, divorces Pippa, abdicates.
And you think I’m kidding…..