Many in the scribbling trade give over the first week of the year to predictions for the coming year.
Their prognostications cover a broad range of human activities: from whether Donald Trump will be given the keys to the White House, and Britain vote to leave the European Union; to more trivial matters, such as whether Kate Middleton will become pregnant again and whether the Dow Jones Industrial Average will breach 20,000 or sink to 15,000.
Ye Olde Jessope Almanack, still going strong after three score years and ten, has a reputation for courageously sticking its neck out, and being right. I am confident that this year will be no exception.
January: It will rain/snow heavily in the north of England.
February: A famous person will die.
March: The Archbishop of Canterbury will claim the Church of
England is alive and well.
April: A world leader will propose invading Syria.
May: Old Jessope will have a birthday and get drunk.
June: People in England will be asking, “When is our
summer going to start?”
July: There will be trouble somewhere in the Middle East.
August: Summer will start, and end three days later.
September: Britain will vote to stay in Europe but to expel Scotland.
October: Donald Trump will say something stupid.
November: Hillary Clinton will win the US election and Bill will say
“It’s good to be back where I belong”.
December: Monica Lewinsky will be named Head of Homeland
Don’t forget, you heard it here first.