John and Martha Jessop, the couple widely known in celebrity circles as JoMa, announced today that they would be staying married.
A spokesperson for the popular couple said that the decision was reached after extensive negotiations going back thirty years. He added that no third parties were involved.
Rumours that the marriage might be in trouble have been circulating for many years, so today’s announcement came as something of a surprise to friends and acquaintances. “I’m very surprised,” said George Clooney, a long-time friend. “They’ve always seemed so utterly incompatible, and there were constant marital arguments. Still, they seem to have worked things out and I’m very happy for them.”
The continuation of the marriage was disclosed in a formal statement released by the couple’s solicitor. “Having given the matter considerable thought, Martha and I are announcing today that we have decided to remain married. We have tried everything else, but after a great deal of soul-searching we have concluded that continuing to live together is the only possible option for us going forward. This decision was reached without acrimony and we are certain that we shall remain the best of friends. There are no third parties involved. There will be no further statement and we ask that, for the sake of our family, our privacy and theirs be respected while we work out the final terms of our settlement.”
Sources close to the couple say that there has been much speculation in recent years that the JoMa marriage has often ‘sailed close to the rocks’. This was always dismissed by the couple. “We’ve been sailing close to the rocks for so long that the rocks are more scared of us than we are of them.”
As quoted in a tabloid as late as last year, John said “Martha is one big pain in the arse, but then I can’t cook”. He later claimed to have been misquoted. “What I actually said was that I’m the pain in the arse and she’s the one who can’t cook.”
Martha acknowledged in a recent interview with the Daily Gasp that John “could sometimes be ‘difficult’” but then added, “Can’t everyone?”. She acknowledged that stories of his attending wild, alcohol-fuelled parties in Annabel’s and other West End night-clubs had been true in the past but were now rare events. “The silly old fool used to get lost on the way home. Now he’d probably get lost on the way there,” she said.
The couple are pictured below in front of their mansion in Esher, Surrey, where they occupy separate wings.
The entire east coast of the United States was devastated some thirty years ago when the news of the loss of the lovely Martha to marriage to the besotted Englishman of her dreams was announced.
Rumo(u)r had it that her groom had achieved a modicum of success in the information services field but most in that field tended to be alcoholics and quite unreliable in their recollections of anything relevant. I (hick) of course had confirmed knowledge that the union would survive most any disagreement with the possible exception as to choice of scotch . Bells was it John?
I last saw Martha following her interview with the firm I had joined following Reuters. Unknown to Martha was the fact that every salesman in the office was gaga with the possibility of her joining the firm. The manager at the time seemed to be unaware of her knowledge of the financial industry in New York and did not instantly offer her a position. Had it been 6 months later when I assumed that office the results would have been different. She and I had a cocktail afterward and we said good bye too soon.
But, alas, we in New York lost her forever to my friend John. The UK is far better for having Martha a resident. So Martha, keep your hubby on the wagon and we will re-evaluate after the next thirty years.
All the best,
I agree with your comments about M. She is still lovely, and Britain is proud to have her. It was always Irish whisky, not Scottish, by the way, Jameson’s rather than Bell’s. Only Americans drink blends these days.