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Where’s Palin?

Donald Trump has received a call from Sarah Palin, former Governor of Alaska, according to sources close to the President-elect.  A transcript has been leaked

DT:   Good to hear from you, Sarah.  How’re things going?  How’s the weather up there in Alaska?

SP:    Oh, fine, just fine, Donald, on both counts.  But I’ve been kinda expecting to hear from you.

DT:   Well, Sarah, I’ve been kinda busy of late.  They didn’t tell me I’d have to work  so goddamned hard, if you wanna know the truth.  I used to sleep like a log.  Now I’m lucky if I get to bed at all.  Grabbing a little ass in the kitchen isn’t the same as the real thing.  Melania isn’t happy at all.

SP:    I understand, Donald, and I don’t want to keep you from your duties, but have you given any thought to how I can help your administration?  I’m rarin’ to go, y’know, as usual.  The pit-bull with lipstick is ready to be unleashed.

DT:  Yeah, I bet.  And let me tell you, babe, your support during the campaign was greatly appreciated, and I mean greatly, and I haven’t forgotten it.

SP:   So, Donald, I keep hearing in the media up here about cabinet appointments, and I’m sitting here wondering if there’s gonna be anything left over for little old Sarah.           

DT:  Well, honey, I was hoping you might fit in at Interior, but the feeling was that  your – how can I put it? – lack of sensitivity over environmental issues had a  lotta people over there screaming.

SP:    I thought we were on the same page on this, Donald, ready to take on the tree-huggers and goddamned screaming climate freaks.

DT:   We are, Sarah, we are, but I gotta throw a few bones to the folks who care  about that crap.  I may need ‘em when I get round to building my wall.  

SP:   I’m glad the wall is still on the agenda, Donald, but I’m startin’ to worry that I’m not.

DT:  Don’t worry, babe, we’ll think of something.  How about an ambassadorship?  Very prestigious. You get a big house and all expenses paid.

SP:   Gee, that would be swell, especially London.  I’d love to meet the Queen of  England, get to stay over in the Palace and stuff, talk to her woman-to-woman. I think we’d get along real well.

DT:   I don’t think you’re quite ready for such a senior posting, Sarah, if you don’t mind me saying so.  I was thinking of a less demanding position. Somewhere in Latin America, perhaps.

SP:   Well, that’s a little disappointing, Mr. Trump.  I don’t speak a word of Latin.   Didn’t even do it at high school.   We don’t get to see many Latinos up here.

DT:  There’s a position going at the VA that might suit you.

SP:   I don’t know much about Virginia, I have to say.

DT:  No, Sarah, VA is the Veterans Administration.  It doesn’t pay much, but there’s  a lot to do there.  We have to look after our service boys, especially as we may well have a bit more military action than that chicken-shit Obama was prepared to get into, now that we’ve got Mad Dog running Defense.  What a piece of work that guy is.  Mad as a bag of snakes.  I love him. I’m telling ya, this is gonna be fun.    

SP:    Well, I’m glad to hear that, Donald, but I’m still not clear where I fit in.

DT:   You just hold your horses, Sarah.  You’ll get your reward – and before you get to heaven.

SP:    Well, I hope so.  A whole lot of good folks are behind you who only got there because of me.  You’re gonna need a national figure, especially one with a figure like mine.

DT:   You can say that again, babe.  It won’t do any harm at all to have a nice pair of knockers round the place. 

SP:    Well, I wouldn’t put it quite like that, Mr. Trump.  I do have some other assets,   you know.  Like brains.  I’ve been doin’ a lotta book-readin’ since that old fool McCain screwed up our campaign and then blamed me for it. Go on, ask me a difficult question, like what’s the capital of Africa.   

DT:   That won’t be necessary, babe.  I urge you to be patient a little longer, is all I’m asking.

SP:    I’m holding you to that, Mr. Trump. You’ll be wanting me on your side, not out there, causing trouble.  

DT:   Now, don’t you go threatening me, Mrs. Palin.  You had your chance at the White House.  Now it’s my turn.

SP:    Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, Mr. Trump.  And I thought we were buddies.

DT:   We were, I mean we are, but I can’t go offering jobs to every brainless bimbo that comes calling.  And believe me, there are plenty of ‘em.

SP:     I’ll wait for your call, then.  Don’t disappoint me, Mr. Trump, I can be real mean when I’m crossed.

DT:    I’m sorry you feel that way.  Why don’t you meanwhile call your neighbour, Vlad Putin.   I understand you can see into the Kremlin windows from your kitchen. .

SP:    I might just do that, asshole.  (Hangs up)

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One Comment

  1. John Hull John Hull

    Loved it

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