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Celluloid Adventures

My apologies for having failed to fill this space for the past few days, but you’ll understand my absence when I tell you the reason.   I was up in Yorkshire appearing in my latest feature film.

Actually, it’s my first feature film. But won’t be, I’m certain, my last.  I’m supremely confident that my superb performance, albeit in a small role, will catch the attention of those in the industry who earn a living spotting and developing emerging talent.

The film, called Gloves Off, is about a young man who becomes a prize fighter in order to raise money for his local gymnasium.  The stars are Brad Moore, Denise Van Outen and Ricky Tomlinson.  I play a ringside spectator in one of the fight scenes.  Assuming I don’t end up on the cutting-room floor – one of the risks inherent in the trade, I’m afraid – you should be able to spot me easily enough.  I’m the one wearing a leather jacket and pumping my right fist in the air in a grossly exaggerated motion (as I’d been instructed to by the assistant director, I might add) and yelling “Get him!” and “Kill him!” and other civilized imprecations.

A minor role, then, but at least it’s a speaking part. Not bad for my very first celluloid outing.

By the way, M is also in the film. She’s also a ringside spectator, clad in a fur coat looking every inch the glamorous gangster’s moll, or the tarty boxing groupie, or whatever it was the assistant director told her to be.  She’s standing two spectators to my left, or is that stage right?  Anyway, you can’t miss her, either.

We were not paid a penny for these thespian exertions. The production company, Moli Films, didn’t shell out the going Equity day-rate for extras.   In fact, we had paid them for the privilege – by investing in the film.

Actually, in a package of several films. The first of these is scheduled for theatrical release next month.  Called The Golden Years, it’s about a gang of pensioners who take to robbing banks.  It stars, among others, Virginia McKenna (Carve Her Name With Pride and Born Free), Simon Callow and Bernard Hill.  We’ll be attending the premier on November 11.

I can’t wait to meet Virginia, a classical English beauty with a cut-glass accent as, in my adolescent years, I briefly fancied her, though for reasons of which I’m honour-bound to disown.

Anyway, I urge you to see the film. Go see both films.  Every ticket sold may be a shilling in my pocket – and a boost to my nascent acting career.

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